Needles and Broken Glass
by chidori8itch
Summary: The former Legendary Sannin contemplate their past and present.


The bottle crashes against the wall, and sends glass shards flying onto the hotel floor and causing the beverage inside to stain the rug. Jiraya curses, knowing he's going to be charged for it. He drops what's left of the bottle, making his way over to the window. He's drunk, but not drunk enough to ease the pain that is coursing though his heart, bursting out of his body in the form of stinging tears. Most of the time, it's easy to keep the pain hidden, to ignore it, to focus on something else. But sometimes, in the dead of night on nights like this, everything he holds back comes rushing forward to haunt him again. And he hates it. He hates it all. He hates how he can't sleep at night anymore, and most of all he hates how he can't look back on his fondest memories without feeling so hurt that the pain is almost physical. He looks at the framed picture on his nightstand, a picture that he'd have thrown out a long time ago if his emotions had allowed it. The three teenagers stand in the picture, among with their brown-haired teacher. The three of them are smiling, even the boy with skin so pale it looks white. They look so innocent, so carefree, so unaware of the tragedies that will befall each one of them. The giggling girl with the blond pigtails doesn't know she's going to lose almost everyone she loves. She doesn't know about the drinking and gambling addictions she's going to have. The boy with the white skin and raven black hair doesn't know he's going to become a criminal addicted to drugs, and get so far into the dark ninja arts that he'll lose his humanity. He doesn't know he's going to destroy his team by doing it. And the other boy, the one with white fluffy hair and red tattoos, he doesn't know that he's going to travel everywhere, searching for something he can't find, something that he'll realize is people who are just as much family as his team was. He doesn't know his harmless "peeking" will escalate into a full blown sex addiction, which will lead to alcohol and smoking addictions that will almost kill him. None of them know that they'll spend the rest of their lives pretending they're all right, hiding behind masks of evil, indifference, and happiness. Jiraya climbs up onto the window sill. He's not sure what he's doing, all he knows is he wants to change things. He's so very, very tired of hiding. "I wish you could have known what you'd become," He whispers, perhaps to himself, perhaps to the three smiling children who lived so long ago.

Then he jumps.

o.:O:.o

Tsunade storms out of the gambling bar, fuming and angry. Why does she always have to_ lose? _She sighs, deciding that is was always tomorrow. She turns on the dusty street, trying to remember where her new apartment is. The dirt crunches under her sandals. Suddenly, she hears cursing from an apartment above her head. Looking up, she is unsurprised to see Jiraya appear at the window. She opens her mouth to say something to him, perhaps a greeting, when she realizes he won't hear her. His eyes are glazed over, probably drunk, and he's gazing out into the distance at something only he can see. Tsunade freezes up when she sees the picture he's holding in his hand. She can't see the front of it, but judging from the size, it _has_ to be their team picture. "Oh, Jiraya," She breathes, as tears start flowing down her cheeks. She reaches inside her coat and touches her copy of the picture. It's still there, in a pocket next to her heart. She remembers them, the Sannin. She always thinks of the Sannin as _them, _not _us. _It's less painful that way. The beautiful, the proud, the _gods. _They thought they could rule the world, that it would all fall into their hands at their will. And at first, it did. She remembers the little apartment they used to share, and how when she came back from the laundry mat Orochimaru would steal the sheets to sleep in and not give them back. She remembers how Jiraya made a new drink every friday night, and how after missions they'd throw a party and invite everyone they knew, even if not everyone fit in the apartment. Then, one day, Sarutobi came to their little apartment. It was a friday, and Jiraya was looking in his martini book for a recipe he hadn't tried. The next day, they had a party planned to celebrate the success of the mission that had ended the day before. He had knocked on the door, face bloodstained. He broke their hearts that day, and along with it their spirits. All it had taken were a few sentences. _Thinking back on it, not even twenty words,_ Tsunade guesses. They had thought they were impossible to defeat, they had thought they had wills of iron, but all it took was the departure of one of the Sannin, one of those beautiful, powerful gods, to break all three of them at once. Tsunade pulls herself out of her memories in time so see Jiraya on his windowsill.

_What is he-?_

Tsunade almost realizes it a second too late. Her sandal skims the pavement and she trips, skinning her knee, but she shoves herself up and runs to catch Jiraya as he jumps from his sixth-story window, and fall that would have killed him. Tsunade is too smart to blame it on an accident. Even drunk, Jiraya is far too nimble for that.

_He tried to kill himself, _She realizes as she holds his unconscious body in her arms. The more tears roll down her cheeks and she realizes something else.

_I don't blame him._

o.:O:.o

The needle pierces his skin, pumping the drug into his blood. Orochimaru gasps and reaches for another, trying desperately to wash their faces out of his mind. Jiraya, Sarutobi, Tsunade, Jiraya, Sarutobi, Tsunade. He whips his head around, spotting the picture on his nightstand. He strides over to it, needles forgotten. The faces are there, smiling, laughing, haunting him. Orochimaru screams, grabbing his head. _Get out, get out!_ He grabs the picture, flinging it from his nightstand, watching the glass shatter. Only after it hits the floor does he realize what he's done. Dropping to the floor, he tries to dig through the glass, ignoring the cuts it gives him. He sighs of relief when he finds the photo. Grabbing it, he holds it to him. It's not torn, for which Orochimaru is grateful. He looks up, his blurry vision focusing on the red silk sheets of the bed. Stumbling over to it, he tries to climb on, only to stumble and fall, gripping the side of the bed for support. Suddenly, the door slams open and light floods in, illuminating the thin figure of his medic, Kabuto. _Not now, anytime but now... _"Go away!" Orochimaru hisses. Kabuto ignores him and closes the door before striding over to him and helping him onto the bed. Before he can ask what happened, he spots the needles.

"Orochimaru!" Kabuto looks shocked. "Wh-what have you been doing?"

The worried look on Kabuto's face is somewhat of a shock for Orochimaru. Does Kabuto care about him that much? _No, he doesn't. No one does. _

Orochimaru allows himself to relax, and closes his eyes. Suddenly, he feels Kabuto tugging on the photo he's holding, trying to pry it from his grasp. _No! Don't take them from me!_ He tightens his grasp. Eventually, Kabuto gives up. He mutters something about getting Orochimaru water. He feels weight move off the bed as Kabuto stands up, then hears footsteps and the door hinges creaking as Kabuto leaves the room. He brings the picture closer to his face, close enough so he can make out the smiles on the three teenager's faces. He remembers Tsunade, how even though he could be cruel to her, she was always there in battle to help heal him, or to offer words of encouragement. She always looked past his hurtful words and smirks to see the real him, a little boy who just wanted to be loved. He remembers Jiraya, how they would play pranks on Tsunade, and how Jiraya was the one who convinced him to come out of the shell of loneliness he's lived in for the longest time, the one who had accepted the strange-looking boy without thinking twice. He remembers all of the good times they had together, and how the other two Sannin had been his only friends in the world, the only people he'd ever truly loved. Allowing himself to dwell on the past causes the emotional walls he's built up over the years to come crashing down in an instant. Every memory, every laugh, every smile, comes flooding back. They were so confident, so proud, so _happy_ together. Tears now flow freely down Orochimaru's cheeks. _We were such fools. We should have known that no story, even the one of the Sannin, gets a happy ending._


End file.
